fail... on POSTING!!!!

Well, it’s been a while… sorry about the long time since the last update, but life got away from me…

Gene and I moved into our own place (again!!!) 3/1, making life a little chaotic for the last few weeks… I’m trying to get the house put together before the surgery, as well as becoming the domestic wife who’s suppose to cook, clean, do the laundry, keep the house neat and tidy, and make sure her husband is happy and satisfied.

I hate feeling like I need to be a Stepford wife to make my husband happy.

That being said, I’m starting to get the grove of it. I must admit though, I do like having food at home and cooking.. I SUCK at cooking though, and am really needing to find things that are easy to make, have minimal ingredients, and preferably go in a crock pot… I am starting to get excited about all the different soups and stuff I get to make for post-surgery, which is coming up a lot quicker than I thought!!

We’re going to start a fish, salad, water diet next week and see if that helps gene also.. He’s starting to get competitive, which is good because I want him to lose weight in order to feel better about himself! I think he’s one handsome man no matter what, but he’s always downing himself.. I feel bad that he doesn’t see himself how I see him.. So I’ll do whatever I can to support him in making better choices!

April 4 is rounding the corner FAST!! I can’t believe that it’s less than a month away! I have my pre-op meeting/class on March 20th, which Gene will attend with me. Then, my last day of work while I take Short Term Disability to heal is on April 2nd, as the day before surgery will be a liquid only day, thus making me a VERY cranky and pitiful human. I don’t wish that upon my co-workers, nor my attorneys who would get VERY crappy work out of me that day…

As far as weight loss, I’ve totaled about 8 pounds so far, since I started really paying attention the beginning of February. I’m hoping to lose a total of 10 pounds pre-op, making my liver the correct size for the surgery. They require you to lose weight for two reasons; one, they want to make sure you are able to lose some weight on your own, and two, they need the liver to shrink some so when they go in laporscopically, they don’t nik the liver while cutting my stomach.

Ok… That’s about as much focus as I can spare on a Friday… Have a great weekend!!!!

This ball seems to be rolling fast!

So, its been a minute.. I SWORE I wouldn’t be the type to only update every month or so, so I need to make the mindful choice to update this blog more often…

Mindful like how I need to be eating!!!

See what I did there??? Im witty.

Seriously though. Here’s an update as to what is going on in my Road to Lap Band!!

January 12, 2012- I had my introduction meeting with the entire Legacy Good Sam (LGS) team... I really liked them! I mean, I know they were probably putting on a bit of a show for me, as I was new and they wanted me to feel welcome, but I really think I picked the correct place. I like their approach to my surgery in that they are giving me the tools, and I am to take them and be successful. They are just the implements in my success. This is a big step for me in learning how to be healthy and fit.

So they gave me lots of paper work, and I did the crazy test, which just proved I have insanely (HA! Did it again!!) high anxiety. Nothing new to me, but good that they understand it’s a daily issue for me…

January 24, 2012- I had several appointments this day. I saw the RN first, who really just checked me out again to make sure my labs were somewhat normal. I have to do a sleep study because I snore, but I swear!! It’s because of my nose being broken! She also gave me a script for Vit. D (50,000 units) as I was low, and I need to start taking a multi vitamin. I will be taking a vitamin for the rest of my life.. Shouldn’t be much different than the other meds I have to take… But hopefully with the surgery, it will help me shed lbs, and better control the diabetes!

I then met with the dietitian who REALLY woke me up. She showed me how much just ONE pound of fat is, and helped me understand what foods are better for me to with both my weight, diabetes, and Crohns. I think out of everyone (other than the receptionist), she’s my favorite. I feel like she’s going to be the biggest champion there for my success, other than myself of course!

That brings us to today, and in fact just now… I just got a call with Dr. Halpin’s office to schedule my PRE-OP APPOINTMENT!!!

I know.. quick..

But here is the thing.. They recognize I have the tools in my tool box.. I just need the car to work on.. AND! I still need clearance from the insurance company for the surgery itself, so it’s not going to happen anytime soon, that’s for sure.. I imagine late February, early March. PLUS I still need to lose some weight before the surgery to shrink my liver and to prove I’m able to do it on my own. There is this pre-op diet I have to go on that is lots of calcium and blah foods, but honestly, I couldn’t be more excited to eat cottage cheese!

I’m so excited that this is moving forward and I am able to have a rough idea of when this is going to happen! This makes me even more excited to lose some pre-surgery weight and get better eating habits. It’s about self-control now and learning better ways to look at food…

Doesn’t mean I’m not scared shitless at the new phase in my life. But it’s a healthy fear. It’s something that is going to keep me from failing.

I can’t fail. It’s not an option.

man, this isnt a great start...

ok, so 2012 started, and i ate myself silly...

not the start i was hoping for..

BUT!!! today is new, and i have started fresh... on the advice of Donna, i got some pre-pack meals (healthy choice, lean cuisine, etc) for when im at work.. Im trying to eat 3 meals a day, with low calorie snacks in between..

So with my suggested 1,285 calorie diet that was suggested by LiveStrong.com, i have consumed 730 calories between breakfast, a snack, and lunch...

its says i have 555 calories left...

im not going to lie. I figure i'll go over with dinner...

but heres what im thinking... i dont know what the hell im doing!!!! i have no idea how to track food, make good choices, etc... im REALLY looking forward to my appointment with the dietician in a few weeks so they can tell me exactly what i need to eat.. i've never been good at figuring out big things on my own...

thats why im a paralegal.

im great at doing what im told.

im really hoping that i will get some support from Gene. I know he wants me to succeed, but the lifestyle we lead isnt very appropriate for healthy choices for food... i would never ask him to go on a diet so i dont have to look at what he's eating, but i really hope to get the support from him by way of kindness, encouraging words, and assistance in making good choices... like this morning! i wanted a Mt. Dew, and he said no dice.. he wasnt mean about it or rude, but just said "im not going to help you get that stuff." and thats what i need. i may pout and get pissed, but gene's use to that...

ok, im off to finish lunch and get back to work.. at least this Healthy Choice steamer tastes good... that would suck it they didnt taste good..

emily anne

before 2012

Well, peeps, its the last post of 2011..

Because lets me honest... im spending time with my man tomorrow, and i just wont have time for this... :)

I have decided on a goal weight that at the end of this process, i will be happy with... 130... Thats right! i said 130!! i dont think i've been 130 since elementary school. but donna said it was more about being scared about getting that weight, rather than realistic goals, because i have never been thin in my adult life..

and she is right...

im scared to be thin.

but as with the rest of the changes i plan on making, its just something that will have to happen. I want to be healthy, and that will require me to become thin, thus demanding me to face my fears.

Im willing to.

and man, am i ready to!!!

So as my final thought of 2011, i leave you with this...

"Constant development is the law of life, and a man who always tries to maintain his dogmas in order to appear consistent drives himself into a false position."- Mohandas K. Gandhi

i love you all... see you in 2012...

we all begin somewhere, right?

My story isn’t too different from many others who have decided to have weightloss surgery. Guess the best place to start is the beginning, as that is where it all began, right?

I am the youngest in my family. I have always been the chubbiest in my family, and that never really bothered me till I got in middle school. The only person to ever tease me about my weight was my older sister, but that is to be expected when you have any siblings (Although, I’m lying if I said it never bothered me. Especially as she is thin). As with any young girl, looks became important around twelve, when makeup and clothes were becoming the forefront of status and prominence. I don’t know if it’s because I just didn’t care that much, or because I was taught that there are more important things than clothes and looks, but I never really made the choice to care. I figured God made me the way I was, and that’s just that.

That doesn’t mean I didn’t try anorexia for a week. It was a horribly failed attempt as I was hungry, and ate despite my will to be thin. I never was good at not eating.

In high school, I hung out with a group of girls whose priority was appearance and boys, seeing as the two always go hand in hand… This is when I decided if I EVER wanted a boyfriend, I would need to care about how I look. I would find clothes that were adorable, but never fit as I was a 16-18 in high school. So I took back the theory that God has made me this way, and I would be happy with what I got.

I married my ex-husband right out of high school, solidifying the fact that I am fat and that’s ok. Throughout my marriage, though, I began to really re-think this fat thing, as my ex-husband really would point out my thickness to me. When we divorced, I didn’t lose a ton of weight, but some due to the stress of everything. I figured that was enough.

I began the poor man’s diet when I moved to Georgia, which was pretty awesome. Who knew lack of funds could help you lose 30 lbs.? I was also walking everywhere due to lack of vehicle, and frankly was in the best shape in years. That doesn’t mean I wasn’t obese and unhealthy. I was just near my high school weight.

When I met Gene two years ago, he always made me feel beautiful. I thought that meant that I could just be fat and happy, and just worry about being with him. It wasn’t until September of this year that I really started to reevaluate my life. I was diagnosed with diabetes in December 2010, and have been suffering with Crohn’s disorder for 6 years. The last 5 months have been trying with many hospitalizations, surgeries, and suffering. I have been told that losing weight would help me to manage my diabetes much better, and perhaps help with my Crohn’s.

In October, two of Gene’s family members got the Lap Band, and since then, their lives have changed tremendously. I have noticed more energy, less weight, and I’m sure behind the scenes there are positive modifications. After checking with my insurance, and discussing with Gene, it is a road that I have decided to go down.

So what am I hoping to get out of this surgery and change in lifestyle?

·         Weightloss- I have never been thin, nor do I want to be skinny. I just want to be a healthy weight.

·         Health Control- I want to have my diabetes under better control, and perhaps my Crohns. Im not positive if weightloss will help with Crohn’s, but I know for damn sure it wouldn’t be bad for it!

·         Better Self-Esteem- I want to look in the mirror and be happy with what I see. I don’t want all my positive reinforcement to come from Gene or other people. I want to be able to truly believe that I am beautiful and pretty.

·         More Energy- OMG!! To be able to have the energy to exercise and play would be amazing! I’m sure I could do it now, I would just be out of it the rest of the day… :D

·         Longer Life- There is no guarantee that getting the Lap Band will give me a longer life. But all the other changes that will come with it (no more soda, more exercise, better foods, less portions, etc.) will allow me to enjoy life a little more than I do now.

In the end, as much as I have lived by the creed that I am happy with the way God made me, there is no more denying the fact that it’s do or die. God created me to live a happy and fulfilling life, not to be plagued by excess weight, health problems, and horrible self-esteem. I really think that this is a game changer for me. I can’t live the way I have been for nearly 28 years anymore.

In essence, my life has to start now.