appendix and heat

well, this last week has been crazy... once again, my body has showed me how much it hates me...

**BEWARE** THIS POST MAY HAVE SOME TMI MOMENTS, SO SHOULD YOU HAVE A WEAK STOMACH OR JUST NOT CARE TO HEAR ABOUT THE INNER WORKINGS ON MY BODY!!!!!

so on thursday, i went into the ER compaining on how i hadnt been able to have a bowel movement in nearly 7 days. yeah, that is NOT fun in itself... i figured maybe it had to do with the lack of fiber in my diet due to the high protien i have to have... gene stayed home, as i really figured they would give me a lovely suppository, and i would end up feeling better in a few hours.

side note, i never realized how freaking much it hurts not going number two... then again, it could've been my inflammed appendix, but im getting ahead of myself...

so, after consulting with my personal doctor, or rather my great, childhood friend, who happens to be a suergon and will tell me to go do something when i dont wanna hear it, i headed to the ER to get my lovely poop medicine.. well, after informing them of my amazing and heartwarming history with Crohns, they decided they wanted to do a CT scan...

now, i normally request unless its ABSOLUTELY necessary, they dont give me a CT...

http://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/computed-tomography-ct-scan-of-the-body

you really dont want to get many CTs or X-Rays, if you can avoid it.. i mean, you dont want that much radiation in your body! so, pre crohn's "official" diagnosis, i was getting a CT scan at least once a month.. they were pretty free about filling my body with radiation because they didnt know what was going on! so im pretty hell bent now about not getting a CT unless they are worried about a blockage or something..

which was a possiblity with the amount of pain i was in, along with other symptoms.. so they did the CT, and within 30 mins of coming back to my room, my ER doctor came in a looked pretty serious... she told me "your CT scan was abnormal, and im having the suregon come down and review your films."

being the dosages of Ativan. I started panicking!! i mean, i knew i was in a lot of pain, but at this point, i was freaking the eff out... she came back in and said "well, it looks like your appendix is inflammed, along with the intestines (or colon, im not sure). the suregon will be in here in a moment to discuss surgery." i immediately got on the phone and called gene to come down. i mean, at this point, they were discussing surgery! i mean, i was thinking i was going to get some sort of enema or suppository, and here they are discussing cutting me open!!! seriously?? cant i catch a freaking break!?!

well, the surgeon came into the room, and from start to finish, i was in the OR within 40 mins. honeslty, i dont remember much after that, except i refused to take out my lip ring because i didnt want the hole to close (the anestesiolgist was NOT happy about that.. but im stubborn. they let me keep it in!), crying for gene post-op and confused about where i was..

i guess the surgery was only suppose to take 30-50 mins, but due to my inflammed innards and whatnot, the whole thing lasted 3 hrs. gene's grandma came and sat with him, which im really thankful for... i guess they didnt even update him till 1.5 hrs in, which is totally unacceptable! i mean, if gene was in there for 5 minutes more that i expected, i would freaking be banging on the OR doors.. but gene said he raised a little hell to find out wtf was going on with his wife, which is oddly sweet.. oh, the things i find romantic!

well, i was in the hospital from thursday night till sunday afternoon.. oddly enough, i wasnt feeling too crappy till sunday afternoon when they let me go home.. my mom came by sunday and helped put away some laundry while i laid in bed and hurt, complained, and sweat. idk if you remember, but it was stupid hot out that weekend...

which is awesome. and by awesome, i mean the stupidest and most hateful thing in the world. i hate the heat. anything over 70, and i vote to turn on the AC... gene and i have had the AC running
since may with shouldnt be a suprise if you know us evena  little.. i was happy to have the AC running crazy in our room, which made the nurses and staff come check up on me more than usual.. hey, i would've done the same thing!!

so here we are a week later, and im still in a decent amount a pain.. im finding that its a completely different type of pain than the sleeve, so i wasnt ready for it at all... in fact, the pain has been getting a little worse over the last few days, but i figure its all normal so im just sticking to my belly ice packs and pain meds... i showed aidan my scar and he was excited about that... little boys love that kinda thing!!

CrossFit and 3 months post-op

well, back to what this blog was intended for. the update and trials and whatnot of my journey to better health.

and lately, it hasnt been all that great. :(

ok. lets start with the surgery and weightloss. as of 7/20, when i had by 3 month post op appointment, i was 41 lbs. down. thats from the start of the journey, not just post-op. im pretty happy with my progress thus far! i mean, i know that i could be 50 lbs down, but i could also only be 30 lbs down. i talked to my psychologist about the anxiety the weightloss has caused me, and how i feel more scared and nervous to speak to people about how i look or draw attention to the weightloss and my looks. luckily, he said this was all VERY normal, and it is something most people experience.. i mean, i went years with hiding behind my weight and/or using it as an excuse for me to deflect how i really felt...

im finding my relationship with food is so much more different than i even fathomed. i still like to eat, but i find its more a chore than anything. i am having a hard time eating slowly and mindfully. it is NOT good. i find that i vomit sometimes after eating because i tend to eat too quickly. i also notice that the fear of vomiting makes me nervous, which makes it more difficult to eat. i need to hold myself more accountable for my food choices and mindful eating. i get frustrated because gene still tried to get me to eat leftovers or the last so-and-so. he isnt use to my portion sizes, and i hate feeling like a wasteful person. but its not wasteful. honestly, i have to look at everything food-wise differently. its exhausting, and i really wish i didnt ever have to eat again. its beyond irritating having something i hate so much have such a big hold in my life.

but i am excited that i joined CrossFit back at the beginning of the month! its a great program, and SUPER intense and difficult, but its something that i really find will work for me. to start with, here is a link for anyone who wants to know a little more about CrossFit. there is a lot to it, and i couldnt explain much of it at all, except its fun and i like it...

http://www.crossfit.com/

i specifically go to http://www.facebook.com/events/178862518913474/180670838732642/?comment_id=180671875399205&notif_t=event_mall_comment#!/CrossFitHappyValley, which is local to me and is connected with the awesome gym gene uses... my coaches name is Keith Zimmer, and he's fucking hardcore.

i honestly think he's a tad crazy, but i really believe to be as successfully as i want to be, i need ot drink a bit of his kool-aid. he knows that i am a really fresh newbie, and has been modifying WODs (workout of the day) in order to help me be successful, but even modified, they kick my ass... i had to take off this week because my crohns has kicked my ass, stomach, everything, and to do Crossfit, while working, just wouldnt have been feasible. plus, my doctors preferred that i not do any working out this week, so i erred on the side of caution.

there really isnt any other way around that.

I have been in the ER 3 times over the past 3 weeks because the pain from my flair is uncontrollable. im bleeding, i have awful cramps that make me double over, i am dizzy, im hardly ever NOT in the bathroom, and im nauseous. i mean, im an uncontrolled crohns patient. that is never fun, and i would only wish it on a few tards i have associated myself with in sad, fleeting moment. *coughcoughcrazykcoughcough*

so i started my humira, as i had built up antibodies in my system to the remicade. i started the injections yesterday, which was a pretty shitty day in itself with everything going on... and side note, these fucking injections feel like they are trying to kill me. they are SO freaking painful!

which is just how my life goes. i need to go through something painful, while already being in pain, to fix the original pain. oy. even the nurse was like, "you cant catch a break, can you?"..

lately, thats how i've felt lately. im not catching a freaking break. i feel like im not valued in life how i would want to be, but that is an entirely different matter. i just keep pushing through. because what other option do i have? i cant quit, bc im tired of quitting when things get hard or difficult... i have a husband who depends on me to stay somewhat sane and reasonable. i have parents who are going through their own junk, so i dont want to include my shit in theirs. i have a sister who is refusing to speak to me for, frankly at this point, i have no idea why other than she is a new mom and doesnt have time for anything that isnt feeding off her or helping her provide for her family. i get it. thats a huge life change, but... ugh, i dont wanna get started on that. it just makes me mad and uncontrollably depressed at the same time...

so thats a 'small' update on life as of now. i do get to see baby chester this weekend, while my sister is having my parents babysit (see, in order to have an relationship with my nephew, i have to sneak to my parents house while they are taking care of him. otherwise, i dont get visiting privilege. again, just a cluster fuck mess)...

i was asked by a friend to post a blog on Apryl and my relationship with her... im thinking i want to do this, but it may take time. its tough to recall the pleasant, but sad, memories.

let me know if you are reading this still by leaving a comment or something... should i continue using this blog for my weightloss or should i broaden my topics?? lemmie know!!

~emily anne

a bit of a setback...

well, looks like the healing isn't going as it should be... which shouldn't be surprising, but lo and behold,  still as frustrating...

about 3 weeks ago, i started vomiting anytime i ate or drank. i was aware that this could be a problem going INTO the surgery, but this just seemed excessive. i slowed down my eating and drinking, went back to mushy foods, etc... Dr. Halpin said that this could be all normal, but i really don't feel like it is..

so on Wednesday, i went to the ER after getting some blood tests results, and being dehydrated. i was TOLD that i could get the upper GI that night if we went all the way to Good Sam from Oregon City, but yet again, there was some crap miscommunication.

this morning, i went and got the upper GI, and in the process of drinking the contrast, i threw it up.. SHOCKING. ugh. the radiologist who took the series was somewhat concerned with why the contrast wasn't going down and through my tummy like it should've, so at least now i know its not all in my head. so for now, i am waiting on a call from Dr. Halpin after she's reviewed the study, and we'll go from there..

I'm still not regretting my choice to get the sleeve. overall, its helped my health more than i every though.. I'm just frustrated with the fact my body isn't healing how it should've been... i get annoyed that gene is stuck coming to the hospital to visit me or make sure I'm not dying. i am frustrated that I'm told one minute things are fine, and the next they may not be. i frustrated that the ONLY person in my family that seems to care about how my health is is my dad. I'm frustrated. period. end of story.

i just hope i can get some answers here shortly. i cant keep stringing along my husband. i cant keep hoping for better health.

I'm exhausted. I'm weak. I'm tired. its getting old.

i've seen the light

Well, it happened... I have had surgery!

The day of surgery was rough... I don't really remember much from that day, other than the unimportant things... My nerves were running on HIGH SPEED, and I was really scared... I don't think I was gonna die or anything, but there are horrible things that can happen that don't include death..

Thank God, none of those things happened...

Post-surgery was ROUGH in the hospital... Right after I woke up, I just remember thinking 'what the hell did I do?!?'.. I kept wanting to get up, thinking that if I maybe moved around and walked, I would feel better... I made a few trips with gene there from the bed to the door, but I couldn't go much farther..

Needless to say, the pain pump was my best friend.

I found out that the sleeve causes a lot of nausea, which I most certainly had. They gave me lots of Zofran, which actually caused me to have to stay an extra day. The painful headaches from Zofran caused Dr. Halpin to worry, and I stayed an extra night. They switched me to Phenergrin, which is what Gene and I said would work for me... Guess we showed them! ;-)

Gene was with me the first day to keep me company. He was amazing. He made sure the staff kept me well taken care of, and also supported me with everything he has. He told me how proud of me he was for trying to get active so short after surgery, and made me feel supported. I really think he is trying to make me the most sucessfull I can be, even if sometimes I get a bit defensive... I'm so grateful for him..

My sister friend, chels, came and spent ALL DAY Thursday with me... Who has a friend willing to spend an entire day in the hosptial with you??? She kept me laughing and entertained, which was a welcomed distraction! Cory picked me up on Friday, as gene had to work... He's my knight in shiney armor! He always is able to bail me out when I just have no idea what to do!

So I've now been home since Friday afternoon. Its hard. Harder than I though. I want so badly to feel normal, but the pain, nausea, and weakness aren't allowing me to do so. The most callories I've had in a day are a little over 400. 400??? That's like a MEAL in my fmr life! I've been having issues getting the protien amount (75g) I need in. Its hard when one minute I'm hungry, and as soon as I feel it, its gone!

The pain is getting better each day, but the more I try to push myself, the more I set back. I tried cleaning today, which has me back in bed, in pain... I feel horrible that gene has to clean when he gets home, but I also don't know how else to keep the house clean.. I hate living in disorganization...

My stomach is also starting to heal. It looked BAD! But the glue is starting to come off, and bruises are fading... I took pictures as reminders for later on down the line, where I started.

Well, I think ima go lay down a little bit. I'm excited to see what my progress is going to be like!

fail... on POSTING!!!!

Well, it’s been a while… sorry about the long time since the last update, but life got away from me…

Gene and I moved into our own place (again!!!) 3/1, making life a little chaotic for the last few weeks… I’m trying to get the house put together before the surgery, as well as becoming the domestic wife who’s suppose to cook, clean, do the laundry, keep the house neat and tidy, and make sure her husband is happy and satisfied.

I hate feeling like I need to be a Stepford wife to make my husband happy.

That being said, I’m starting to get the grove of it. I must admit though, I do like having food at home and cooking.. I SUCK at cooking though, and am really needing to find things that are easy to make, have minimal ingredients, and preferably go in a crock pot… I am starting to get excited about all the different soups and stuff I get to make for post-surgery, which is coming up a lot quicker than I thought!!

We’re going to start a fish, salad, water diet next week and see if that helps gene also.. He’s starting to get competitive, which is good because I want him to lose weight in order to feel better about himself! I think he’s one handsome man no matter what, but he’s always downing himself.. I feel bad that he doesn’t see himself how I see him.. So I’ll do whatever I can to support him in making better choices!

April 4 is rounding the corner FAST!! I can’t believe that it’s less than a month away! I have my pre-op meeting/class on March 20th, which Gene will attend with me. Then, my last day of work while I take Short Term Disability to heal is on April 2nd, as the day before surgery will be a liquid only day, thus making me a VERY cranky and pitiful human. I don’t wish that upon my co-workers, nor my attorneys who would get VERY crappy work out of me that day…

As far as weight loss, I’ve totaled about 8 pounds so far, since I started really paying attention the beginning of February. I’m hoping to lose a total of 10 pounds pre-op, making my liver the correct size for the surgery. They require you to lose weight for two reasons; one, they want to make sure you are able to lose some weight on your own, and two, they need the liver to shrink some so when they go in laporscopically, they don’t nik the liver while cutting my stomach.

Ok… That’s about as much focus as I can spare on a Friday… Have a great weekend!!!!

we have a date!!!!

Woo hoo!!! Gastric Sleeve was approved, and I officially have a surgery date:

April 4!!

Holy crap. April 4…

That’s coming up.

We’re moving on March 1st, which is awesome, but that means I need to have the house put together BY April 1st (what a cruel April fool’s joke). Plus, my sister’s baby shower is on March 31, and I am helping plan that.. That is going to be fun!!

I’ve been hearing a lot of people talk in my ear about the speed of which I’m going through this process. I mean, I don’t know if it’s right or wrong, but I find it hard to believe that a team of doctors, and surgeon who’s study weight loss surgery for years, would just throw me to the wolves and rush me through.

It’ll be 4 months since my first appointment when I have the surgery. Im excited that I’m having it, but I also understand the risk of it going so quickly. Then again, I also understand the cons to waiting 9-12 months.

Everybody is different. There are people in this program that have been doing it for 8 months, and they aren’t even seeing the surgeon yet! I mean, I know the doctors know what they are doing, and trust their system.

That being said, I need to get my butt moving even more and get down to business… This is go time, and I’m SOOO ready for it!!!

This ball seems to be rolling fast!

So, its been a minute.. I SWORE I wouldn’t be the type to only update every month or so, so I need to make the mindful choice to update this blog more often…

Mindful like how I need to be eating!!!

See what I did there??? Im witty.

Seriously though. Here’s an update as to what is going on in my Road to Lap Band!!

January 12, 2012- I had my introduction meeting with the entire Legacy Good Sam (LGS) team... I really liked them! I mean, I know they were probably putting on a bit of a show for me, as I was new and they wanted me to feel welcome, but I really think I picked the correct place. I like their approach to my surgery in that they are giving me the tools, and I am to take them and be successful. They are just the implements in my success. This is a big step for me in learning how to be healthy and fit.

So they gave me lots of paper work, and I did the crazy test, which just proved I have insanely (HA! Did it again!!) high anxiety. Nothing new to me, but good that they understand it’s a daily issue for me…

January 24, 2012- I had several appointments this day. I saw the RN first, who really just checked me out again to make sure my labs were somewhat normal. I have to do a sleep study because I snore, but I swear!! It’s because of my nose being broken! She also gave me a script for Vit. D (50,000 units) as I was low, and I need to start taking a multi vitamin. I will be taking a vitamin for the rest of my life.. Shouldn’t be much different than the other meds I have to take… But hopefully with the surgery, it will help me shed lbs, and better control the diabetes!

I then met with the dietitian who REALLY woke me up. She showed me how much just ONE pound of fat is, and helped me understand what foods are better for me to with both my weight, diabetes, and Crohns. I think out of everyone (other than the receptionist), she’s my favorite. I feel like she’s going to be the biggest champion there for my success, other than myself of course!

That brings us to today, and in fact just now… I just got a call with Dr. Halpin’s office to schedule my PRE-OP APPOINTMENT!!!

I know.. quick..

But here is the thing.. They recognize I have the tools in my tool box.. I just need the car to work on.. AND! I still need clearance from the insurance company for the surgery itself, so it’s not going to happen anytime soon, that’s for sure.. I imagine late February, early March. PLUS I still need to lose some weight before the surgery to shrink my liver and to prove I’m able to do it on my own. There is this pre-op diet I have to go on that is lots of calcium and blah foods, but honestly, I couldn’t be more excited to eat cottage cheese!

I’m so excited that this is moving forward and I am able to have a rough idea of when this is going to happen! This makes me even more excited to lose some pre-surgery weight and get better eating habits. It’s about self-control now and learning better ways to look at food…

Doesn’t mean I’m not scared shitless at the new phase in my life. But it’s a healthy fear. It’s something that is going to keep me from failing.

I can’t fail. It’s not an option.