i've seen the light

Well, it happened... I have had surgery!

The day of surgery was rough... I don't really remember much from that day, other than the unimportant things... My nerves were running on HIGH SPEED, and I was really scared... I don't think I was gonna die or anything, but there are horrible things that can happen that don't include death..

Thank God, none of those things happened...

Post-surgery was ROUGH in the hospital... Right after I woke up, I just remember thinking 'what the hell did I do?!?'.. I kept wanting to get up, thinking that if I maybe moved around and walked, I would feel better... I made a few trips with gene there from the bed to the door, but I couldn't go much farther..

Needless to say, the pain pump was my best friend.

I found out that the sleeve causes a lot of nausea, which I most certainly had. They gave me lots of Zofran, which actually caused me to have to stay an extra day. The painful headaches from Zofran caused Dr. Halpin to worry, and I stayed an extra night. They switched me to Phenergrin, which is what Gene and I said would work for me... Guess we showed them! ;-)

Gene was with me the first day to keep me company. He was amazing. He made sure the staff kept me well taken care of, and also supported me with everything he has. He told me how proud of me he was for trying to get active so short after surgery, and made me feel supported. I really think he is trying to make me the most sucessfull I can be, even if sometimes I get a bit defensive... I'm so grateful for him..

My sister friend, chels, came and spent ALL DAY Thursday with me... Who has a friend willing to spend an entire day in the hosptial with you??? She kept me laughing and entertained, which was a welcomed distraction! Cory picked me up on Friday, as gene had to work... He's my knight in shiney armor! He always is able to bail me out when I just have no idea what to do!

So I've now been home since Friday afternoon. Its hard. Harder than I though. I want so badly to feel normal, but the pain, nausea, and weakness aren't allowing me to do so. The most callories I've had in a day are a little over 400. 400??? That's like a MEAL in my fmr life! I've been having issues getting the protien amount (75g) I need in. Its hard when one minute I'm hungry, and as soon as I feel it, its gone!

The pain is getting better each day, but the more I try to push myself, the more I set back. I tried cleaning today, which has me back in bed, in pain... I feel horrible that gene has to clean when he gets home, but I also don't know how else to keep the house clean.. I hate living in disorganization...

My stomach is also starting to heal. It looked BAD! But the glue is starting to come off, and bruises are fading... I took pictures as reminders for later on down the line, where I started.

Well, I think ima go lay down a little bit. I'm excited to see what my progress is going to be like!

man, this isnt a great start...

ok, so 2012 started, and i ate myself silly...

not the start i was hoping for..

BUT!!! today is new, and i have started fresh... on the advice of Donna, i got some pre-pack meals (healthy choice, lean cuisine, etc) for when im at work.. Im trying to eat 3 meals a day, with low calorie snacks in between..

So with my suggested 1,285 calorie diet that was suggested by LiveStrong.com, i have consumed 730 calories between breakfast, a snack, and lunch...

its says i have 555 calories left...

im not going to lie. I figure i'll go over with dinner...

but heres what im thinking... i dont know what the hell im doing!!!! i have no idea how to track food, make good choices, etc... im REALLY looking forward to my appointment with the dietician in a few weeks so they can tell me exactly what i need to eat.. i've never been good at figuring out big things on my own...

thats why im a paralegal.

im great at doing what im told.

im really hoping that i will get some support from Gene. I know he wants me to succeed, but the lifestyle we lead isnt very appropriate for healthy choices for food... i would never ask him to go on a diet so i dont have to look at what he's eating, but i really hope to get the support from him by way of kindness, encouraging words, and assistance in making good choices... like this morning! i wanted a Mt. Dew, and he said no dice.. he wasnt mean about it or rude, but just said "im not going to help you get that stuff." and thats what i need. i may pout and get pissed, but gene's use to that...

ok, im off to finish lunch and get back to work.. at least this Healthy Choice steamer tastes good... that would suck it they didnt taste good..

emily anne