every day is different...

well, im still alive... thats half the battle, right??

i havent lost much weight lately, but i am finding that it gets easier everyday to make better and healthy choices... i choose sugar free over things that are chalked full of it.. i choose high protien foods rather than carbs.. i eat breakfast!!! that is, in itself, a very amazing win!

but i still am not perfect by any means.

i dont always choose the best foods for me. i dont always exercise like i should. i dont feel like im doing EVERYTHING that i should/could be in order to make myself the most sucessfull as possible.

but again, that is why every day is different.

i wake up and say "today is the day i am going to be 100% healthy!!!". and every day, i end up making a bad choice or failing in one way or another.

but at least i am TRYING. i try EVERY SINGLE DAY to make my surgery sucessful, and to make the people who have been behind me the whole time, proud... but honestly, and maybe this isnt the BEST reason to strive for life change, but i do it to show those people who arent doing it correctly that it can be done and for those who havent been in my corner, that i am amazing.

i dont always feel amazing, but after hearing it from my husband enough, i am led to believe that he's not lying to me.

but touching back on those people who are 'cheating', i find that they make me feel like im failing or that i am not sucessful. i have to be reminded almost DAILY, often times moment by moment, that i have a different body, with a very different surgery than most weight loss surgery recipeants (its the least common weight loss surgery compaired to lapband and gastric bypass). its really, really, really, really, really, REALLY hard for me not to compair myself to others and their own succeses. being a girl, i know thats really common..

so tomorrow, when i wake up, i will say " today is the day i am going to be 100% healthy!!!", but i will also say “Why compare yourself with others? No one in the entire world can do a better job of being you than you.” ~Unknown

a bit of a setback...

well, looks like the healing isn't going as it should be... which shouldn't be surprising, but lo and behold,  still as frustrating...

about 3 weeks ago, i started vomiting anytime i ate or drank. i was aware that this could be a problem going INTO the surgery, but this just seemed excessive. i slowed down my eating and drinking, went back to mushy foods, etc... Dr. Halpin said that this could be all normal, but i really don't feel like it is..

so on Wednesday, i went to the ER after getting some blood tests results, and being dehydrated. i was TOLD that i could get the upper GI that night if we went all the way to Good Sam from Oregon City, but yet again, there was some crap miscommunication.

this morning, i went and got the upper GI, and in the process of drinking the contrast, i threw it up.. SHOCKING. ugh. the radiologist who took the series was somewhat concerned with why the contrast wasn't going down and through my tummy like it should've, so at least now i know its not all in my head. so for now, i am waiting on a call from Dr. Halpin after she's reviewed the study, and we'll go from there..

I'm still not regretting my choice to get the sleeve. overall, its helped my health more than i every though.. I'm just frustrated with the fact my body isn't healing how it should've been... i get annoyed that gene is stuck coming to the hospital to visit me or make sure I'm not dying. i am frustrated that I'm told one minute things are fine, and the next they may not be. i frustrated that the ONLY person in my family that seems to care about how my health is is my dad. I'm frustrated. period. end of story.

i just hope i can get some answers here shortly. i cant keep stringing along my husband. i cant keep hoping for better health.

I'm exhausted. I'm weak. I'm tired. its getting old.

i've seen the light

Well, it happened... I have had surgery!

The day of surgery was rough... I don't really remember much from that day, other than the unimportant things... My nerves were running on HIGH SPEED, and I was really scared... I don't think I was gonna die or anything, but there are horrible things that can happen that don't include death..

Thank God, none of those things happened...

Post-surgery was ROUGH in the hospital... Right after I woke up, I just remember thinking 'what the hell did I do?!?'.. I kept wanting to get up, thinking that if I maybe moved around and walked, I would feel better... I made a few trips with gene there from the bed to the door, but I couldn't go much farther..

Needless to say, the pain pump was my best friend.

I found out that the sleeve causes a lot of nausea, which I most certainly had. They gave me lots of Zofran, which actually caused me to have to stay an extra day. The painful headaches from Zofran caused Dr. Halpin to worry, and I stayed an extra night. They switched me to Phenergrin, which is what Gene and I said would work for me... Guess we showed them! ;-)

Gene was with me the first day to keep me company. He was amazing. He made sure the staff kept me well taken care of, and also supported me with everything he has. He told me how proud of me he was for trying to get active so short after surgery, and made me feel supported. I really think he is trying to make me the most sucessfull I can be, even if sometimes I get a bit defensive... I'm so grateful for him..

My sister friend, chels, came and spent ALL DAY Thursday with me... Who has a friend willing to spend an entire day in the hosptial with you??? She kept me laughing and entertained, which was a welcomed distraction! Cory picked me up on Friday, as gene had to work... He's my knight in shiney armor! He always is able to bail me out when I just have no idea what to do!

So I've now been home since Friday afternoon. Its hard. Harder than I though. I want so badly to feel normal, but the pain, nausea, and weakness aren't allowing me to do so. The most callories I've had in a day are a little over 400. 400??? That's like a MEAL in my fmr life! I've been having issues getting the protien amount (75g) I need in. Its hard when one minute I'm hungry, and as soon as I feel it, its gone!

The pain is getting better each day, but the more I try to push myself, the more I set back. I tried cleaning today, which has me back in bed, in pain... I feel horrible that gene has to clean when he gets home, but I also don't know how else to keep the house clean.. I hate living in disorganization...

My stomach is also starting to heal. It looked BAD! But the glue is starting to come off, and bruises are fading... I took pictures as reminders for later on down the line, where I started.

Well, I think ima go lay down a little bit. I'm excited to see what my progress is going to be like!

fail... on POSTING!!!!

Well, it’s been a while… sorry about the long time since the last update, but life got away from me…

Gene and I moved into our own place (again!!!) 3/1, making life a little chaotic for the last few weeks… I’m trying to get the house put together before the surgery, as well as becoming the domestic wife who’s suppose to cook, clean, do the laundry, keep the house neat and tidy, and make sure her husband is happy and satisfied.

I hate feeling like I need to be a Stepford wife to make my husband happy.

That being said, I’m starting to get the grove of it. I must admit though, I do like having food at home and cooking.. I SUCK at cooking though, and am really needing to find things that are easy to make, have minimal ingredients, and preferably go in a crock pot… I am starting to get excited about all the different soups and stuff I get to make for post-surgery, which is coming up a lot quicker than I thought!!

We’re going to start a fish, salad, water diet next week and see if that helps gene also.. He’s starting to get competitive, which is good because I want him to lose weight in order to feel better about himself! I think he’s one handsome man no matter what, but he’s always downing himself.. I feel bad that he doesn’t see himself how I see him.. So I’ll do whatever I can to support him in making better choices!

April 4 is rounding the corner FAST!! I can’t believe that it’s less than a month away! I have my pre-op meeting/class on March 20th, which Gene will attend with me. Then, my last day of work while I take Short Term Disability to heal is on April 2nd, as the day before surgery will be a liquid only day, thus making me a VERY cranky and pitiful human. I don’t wish that upon my co-workers, nor my attorneys who would get VERY crappy work out of me that day…

As far as weight loss, I’ve totaled about 8 pounds so far, since I started really paying attention the beginning of February. I’m hoping to lose a total of 10 pounds pre-op, making my liver the correct size for the surgery. They require you to lose weight for two reasons; one, they want to make sure you are able to lose some weight on your own, and two, they need the liver to shrink some so when they go in laporscopically, they don’t nik the liver while cutting my stomach.

Ok… That’s about as much focus as I can spare on a Friday… Have a great weekend!!!!

we have a date!!!!

Woo hoo!!! Gastric Sleeve was approved, and I officially have a surgery date:

April 4!!

Holy crap. April 4…

That’s coming up.

We’re moving on March 1st, which is awesome, but that means I need to have the house put together BY April 1st (what a cruel April fool’s joke). Plus, my sister’s baby shower is on March 31, and I am helping plan that.. That is going to be fun!!

I’ve been hearing a lot of people talk in my ear about the speed of which I’m going through this process. I mean, I don’t know if it’s right or wrong, but I find it hard to believe that a team of doctors, and surgeon who’s study weight loss surgery for years, would just throw me to the wolves and rush me through.

It’ll be 4 months since my first appointment when I have the surgery. Im excited that I’m having it, but I also understand the risk of it going so quickly. Then again, I also understand the cons to waiting 9-12 months.

Everybody is different. There are people in this program that have been doing it for 8 months, and they aren’t even seeing the surgeon yet! I mean, I know the doctors know what they are doing, and trust their system.

That being said, I need to get my butt moving even more and get down to business… This is go time, and I’m SOOO ready for it!!!

well, that threw a kink in things...

So, when life hands you lemons, you make sugar free lemonaid, right???

Turns out, Lap Band isn't approved with the FDA for patients with Crohn's. Lame. Sauce.

So after further discussion, and even further research, I've decided to go ahead and go in the direction of the Gastric Sleeve.

The biggest difference is the fact that it's a far more invasive surgery. I'd have to stay overnight, and the down time is much longer... I'd be out of work for 3-4 weeks, meaning I would be taking Short Term Disability, rather than a week to heal.

Another big difference is the fact that I wont be having to go in monthly for fills. Lap Band requires a saline fill in order for the band to get smaller around the stomach. The sleeve gives a smiliar effect, without the foreign body in your body!

One downfall is the fact it isn't clear whether or not my insurance will cover it. So Dr. Halpin's office is in the process of getting it approved through BCBS of MA... So please send me some good thoughts/prayers/juju!!!

Now, this isn't to say one is better or worse. I find people are really stubborn about the fact theirs is the best. Frankly, im tired of hearing it..

So i'm at the point that I'm making the choice for what's best for me, my body, and my health. Gene has been, well, Gene.. He's just doing whatever I want, and goes back to playing Call of Duty (thanks Dan)...

Along those lines, I met with the Physical Therepist yesterday. He was cute, which sucks... Cute guy telling me to work out = emily anne feeling more like a fatty...

BUT!!!

he did help me realize that I can burn 2100 calories a week by walking a simple 36 minutes a day..

Why 36 minutes, you ask??

omg, the math was too confusing... i give up...

its 36 minutes because tony, the dreamy PT told me to...

so i'm walking during my breaks at work, and some at lunch too.. pretty nice break, but puts a killer in my sitting at the desk job.. guess i dont have an excuse anymore..